A Shot At Love: Season 3
by MoowitMi324
Summary: What happens when Tila has to choose between Flava Flav, Britney Spears, Chris Crocker, a drunk girl, and our lovely bohemians? Will she find love or has she already? crackfic! review please! COMPLETE!
1. Episode 1: Part 1

A/N: Yeah, this is meant to be stupid. I feel like lately I've been writing a lot of non funny things and so this story is just a little crackfic, because I feel like being silly and random.

A/N 2: the stuff in italics is either the Announcer doing a voice over or the characters doing a confessional. Also Collins, Mimi, and Angel will not be in this fic. I'm sorry / lol

A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila 3! 

Announcer: _It's been a rough two seasons for our myspace hottie, Miss. Tila Tequila. She's had her heart broken twice and is ready give love a 3__rd __shot. Lets just hope she doesn't take too many shots, she'll be passed out by the end of the season! This season will be very different from the other seasons. This season will feature several celebrities and a few….bohemians? Ok, lets meet our 16 strangers!_

Benny: _Hi, I'm Benny, and I'm 28 years old. I like being an asshole to the homeless, it's my job. It's also my job to shut peoples power off when they don't pay their rent. If Tila chooses me. I'll make her my Queen and get her any house she wants……even if that means kicking someone out of their home._

Maureen: _Hi, I'm Maureen, and I'm 27 years old. I'm not a Drama Queen, I'm THE Drama Queen. Don't fuck with me, I'll make a protest about you and It wont be pretty. Anyway, O.M.G! Tila is so fucking hot. I want to do some many things to that sexy Asian. Would you like me to tell you? No? awwww ok. If Tila chooses me….or when Tila chooses me, she will be very pleased. People like to say I'm a sex addict, but I'm not, I just love sex. _

Roger: _Yo, I'm Roger, I'm 27 years old. I'm a musician and I know Tila is a musician, so, I know that we will work out just fine. I enjoy playing my guitar, writing songs, and getting into bad moods. If Tila chooses me, I'll have my whole album dedicated to her. When I get a record deal. Which I know I will, because I'm on TV._

Joanne: _Hello, I'm Joanne, and I'm 30 years old. I'm a lawyer and very independent. I didn't know about Tila until a few months ago. My little brother is obsessed with her and has….well a very revealing picture of her on his wall. I found her attractive and now I am here. _

Mark: _Um….I'm Mark and I've never um….. been on T.V before. I' m nervous….OH! I'm suppose to tell you my age? I'm 28. I have to tell what I do? Well, I'm a filmmaker, but not a creepy kind! If Tila ever choose me to be her boyfriend, I would treat her with respect and I would never break her heart._

Flava Flav: _YEAH BOI! THIS IS YO BOY, FLAVA FLAV! things didn't work out between me and my baby's mama. She found out I was married to some other chick and I got another ho pregnant . I since Tila is a celebrity and I'm a celebrity, it could work out…….plus she is fine as hell!_

Drunk girl: _Hi, I'm….um shit what is my name? Ok well anyway! I like to drink and…..yeah, drink. Sometimes I drink till I puke, but most time's I just pass out and wake up next to a girl. I'm actually straight…..when I'm sober, but when I'm drunk……I'm a super lezzie. Do you smell Vodka? I smell Vodka! I'm going to get a drink_.

Violent guy: _I hate everyone here! I want to smash someone's fucking head in, man! Dude, do you see that bald guy with the pink shirt and yellow sweater vest? He looks like Carlton from The Fresh Prince. What's his name? Finny? Jimmy? Kenny? Lenny? I'm just going to call him Penny and make him my bitch……I can be bi too, sometimes._

Brittany Spears?: _Hey Yall! I don't know why the hell I'm here? I was suppose to be at the studio, recording my next album Whiteout. Yeah, I've heard of Tila Rum. She's hot and she's so small! I wanna put her in my purse, right next to my cigarettes and empty Red Bull cans. Do yall have Red Bull?_

Chris Crocker: _Um no, I'm not here for Tila, I'm here to steal some man meat. Tila Tequila can eat my corn hole! And when I approach these boys, they better want to fuck me, because I don't talk to people who don't want to fuck me! Tila thinks she's the star of the show? BITCH PLEASE! I'm goanna show that little bitch how it's done. I'm the Queen around here. IS THAT BRITNEY SPEARS? BRITNEY!!_

Announcer: _ You know what? I think that's enough of the introductions …..I'm disturbed. Who let Brittany Spears, Chris Crocker, and Flava Flav in? I hope they know they aren't getting paid for this. _

A/N: Please review. :)


	2. Episode 1: part 2

A/N: Thank you all for the reviews! :)

Episode 1: part 2

Tila stood outside of the house and observed the new group of people who were fighting for her love.

"Here I go again. MTV doesn't pay me enough for this." Tila said, in an annoyed voice.

"You're on in 10!" The Producer said.

"I cant wait till this is over."

She took a deep breath and stepped out onto the balcony.

"IS EVERYONE READY FOR A SHOT AT L-……where is everyone? There are suppose to be 16.….there are only 10."

"Um….that violent guy and Chris scared them away." Roger said, looking confused.

"OK, then. I guess you can all come in and get ready for your shot at love." Tila said forcing a smile on her face.

Once everyone got in the house they ran straight to the bedroom, upstairs. For some reason they were surprised that they were all going to share a bed. Everyone began unpacking and having conversations with one another.

"Hey, Penny!" The Violent guy said.

"It's _Benny_."

"Not anymore, handsome."

He placed his pillow right next to Benny's pillow on the round bed. Next to them Maureen and Joanne were flirting.

"You look really cute in a suit." Maureen said, touching Joanne's tie.

"Thank you." The Lawyer said with a laugh. "You look great in leather pants."

Maureen: _So, Joanne and I are talking and she starts to look really familiar and I found out she lives in New York and I realize that I live in New York too. Then she opened her suitcase and it was really organized and that's when I remembered her._

"Do I know you?" Maureen asked.

"You look familiar." Said Joanne.

"Didn't we use to date?"

Joanne: _The moment I saw Maureen, I said to myself "Wow, she looks like a girl I use to date." then she asked me if we use to date and I said "Now, I remember her." Yeah, I remember Maureen….and I remember why we broke up too._

At the bar Drunk Girl was chugging a bottle of Gin, when Roger decided to get a drink. The Rocker observed the not so attractive girl with the bottle glued to her mouth.

"Do you mind sharing?" He asked putting his cup in front of her.

Without taking the bottle out of her mouth, she shook her head, saying "No"

Roger: _Does Drunk Girl have a drinking problem? Well……let's just say she has no problem drinking. _

Mark: _Drunk Girl scares me, because just looking at her drink a whole bottle of liquor and two beers, makes my stomach sore._

Maureen:_ I better not hear anyone complain about my sex addiction, because Drunk Girl's drinking problem is far worse. You don't see me with a vagina glued to my mouth all the time! You don't see my hand holding a vagina in my hand all day! She is never empty handed. She ether has a bottle or a cup in her hand and it's never empty._

Chris Crocker: _Fuck that bitch! She pass out drunk! I don't give a fuck. I'm Chris Crocker!_

A/N: The next chapter will be the last part of this episode. sprry if this was a little short. I wonder who is going to survive the first night? REVIEW PLEASE! :)


	3. Episode 1: Part 3

_A/N: Yay! i'm so happy people love this fic!_

Tila walked into the room with her fake smile on he face. She didn't want to be there. She wanted to be on myspace, approving hundreds of friend requests, reading messages, and posting tons of bulletins. It was that or make more music.

"Hello everyone." Tila said.

"Hi, Tila."

"Flav, I'm sorry, but you can not participate, because you are married and you have a bus filled with children…that are yours."

"Damn! Ok, I'll go, just know that I love you, girl." Flava said, exiting the show.

She looked across the room and saw Brittany Spears, stealing the red curtains that Tila had bought with her own money.

"Ok…." The myspace Queen took a quick breath. "What are you doing?"

"These would look so pretty in my car!"

"What a fucking weirdo!" Violent guy said laughing at the pop star.

Chris Crocker began to turn red and went up to Violent Guy and smacked him across the face.

"LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!"

The room filled with gasps and eye rolls.

"That is getting really old!" Maureen yelled.

"Bitch Please!" Chris yelled back.

"I really hate you." Maureen said, sounding annoyed.

"You know you wanna buy a Chris Crocker T-shirt!" Chris said, opening his suitcase, revealing his t-shirts. "That's right everybody, I got Chris Crocker t-shirts. Come and get one!"

"Oh my God, I want one!" Britney Spears said, putting a lamp in her purse.

"Can we have some respect for Tila, please?" Joanne asked.

"I LOVE YOU TILA RUM!"

"Tila who?" Roger asked Mark.

"I don't know."

"Rum? Where?" Drunk girl said, stumbling over to the rest of the group.

Tila:_I seriously didn't think I was going to make it through the night. Britney Spears and Chris Crocker were messing everything up. I had to drop their asses._

Benny: _As we were watching this….train wreck occur, that creepy guy whose name no one knows, kept grabbing my ass and I just wanted him to stop! If he keeps bothering me, I will take his house and give it to Tila!_

Everyone randomly started arguing with each other, after getting tired of listening to Chris and Brittany.

"Penny, why wont let me hold you?"

"I'm here for Tila! You should be too!" Benny said.

"You were such a control freak when we dated!" Maureen said.

"You were such a whore!" Joanne said.

While people were screaming and throwing things, Roger pulled his guitar out of his jacket.

"Tila, I'm going to sing for you!" Roger tuned his acoustic guitar. "Your eyes, as we said our goodbyes-"

"Wait! I've heard that song before." Mark said. "He sang that song to his ex."

"Shut up, Mark!"

Tila couldn't take anymore, she needed to get things in order.

"OK, EVERYONE, IT'S TIME FOR ELIMINATION!"

The room went silent and everyone's attention went straight to Tila.

"I will be eliminating two of you right now." Tila was going to wait for commercial break, but couldn't. "Chris and Britney, I'm sorry, but your shot at love is over."

Sad music began to play and everyone began to cry.

Violent Guy: _When Tila said that Chris and Brittany were going home, my heart broke. We were just starting to become a family! I feel like I've lost my two sisters! _

Maureen: _Chris and I were secretly starting to fall in love with each other…..it's really hard to say goodbye to him._

Drunk Girl: _Can you refill my glass?_

Tila:_ I really didn't know why everyone was upset and crying…….it was the first freaking night! After I eliminated Chris and Britney, I decided to call it a night and start over the next morning._

As Britney was leaving, she turned and looked at Tila for a moment.

"I love you Tila Rum!"

"It's Tequila!" Everyone yelled.

"WHERE?" Drunk girl asked, before passing out onto the floor.

Announcer:_Next time on A Shot At Love! Tila has one on one time with each contestant._

Tila: _It's day two and I'm already starting to fall in love with someone in the house._

Mark: _So this morning that one guy that's really violent got pissed off at Benny, because Benny turned down a certain type of offer and Roger decided to stand up for Benny._

"DUDE! LEAVE BENNY ALONE!"

"SOMEBODY CALL 911!"

Tila: _When I came down stairs I couldn't believe what I had just seen._

Announcer: _Is this a dating show or has it turned into American Gladiator? You'll see next time on A Shot At Love._

A/N: Episode 2 will be next! PLEASE REVIEW!!


	4. Episode 2: Part 1

A/N: I don't own anything!! Only my ideas lol!

Episode 2: Part 1

The next morning Mark was the first to wake up. When he was he getting dressed he observed his roommates. Roger was on the edge of the bed hugging his guitar, Maureen was asleep with her hand down her pants, Joanne had her blue tie wrapped around her eyes like a sleep mask, Violent guy was holding a knife, and of course Drunk Girl cuddled with her bottle of whatever she was drinking.

He went down stairs and saw a message in a bottle. When he opened it, the famous band The Police popped out and began to sing.

_I'll send an SOS to the world  
I'll send an SOS to the world  
I hope that someone gets my  
I hope that someone gets my  
I hope that someone gets my  
Message in a bottle_

After The Police were done, Sting gave Mark a hug.

"You can let go now…." Mark said nicely.

"Sorry, good luck, Mark!" Sting said, patting the filmmaker on the back.

"How did you know my name."

"I'm Sting….I know everything."

The band then disappeared into a fog of random smoke. The rest of the contestants ran down the steps, Drunk girl stumbled…

"Are you ok?" Roger asked.

"My drink soaked into the carpet! My glass broke! I cant function without my drink! No! I'VE LOST THE TASTE OF ALCOHOL!" Drunk girl cried.

"Is she going to be ok?" Benny asked.

"I don't care. Mark, read what the message says."

Mark: _Drunk Girl was starting to have a seizure and everyone wanted me to read the message. No one wanted to help her! I was surprised. I couldn't read it, so Joanne read the message, while I helped Drunk Girl._

Joanne began to read "Good morning! Since last night was chaotic, I've decided to have a little one on one time with each of you. Don't get too comfortable, because elimination is tonight. Love, Tila."

The Lawyer sat the message on the round table and a loud scream was heard. Everyone looked down at Mark and Drunk Girl.

"MY EAR IS BLEEDING! SHE BIT MY EAR OFF!"

"SOMEONE CALL 911!" Maureen screamed.

"GIVE HER A DRINK AND SHE WILL CALM DOWN!" Roger said, running into the kitchen.

Roger returned with a 6 pack of Budlight. Once Drunk Girl finished her beers, she was back to normal. Tila entered the room and everyone cheered.

Tila: _When I came down stairs I couldn't believe what I had just seen. Beer cans were everywhere and there was broken glass at the last step. _

"Is everything ok?" Tila asked looking around.

"Yeah!" The Contestants said cheerfully.

"My ear is gone!" Mark screamed.

"We love you, Tila!" Drunk Girl screamed, lifting her shirt up and jumping up and down.

"Someone didn't wear a bra today." Roger said looking away.

"WHERE ARE MY BEADS?" Asked Drunk Girl.

"I don't have any." Tila said smiling.

"Ok, no one has to help me fix my ear. Thanks for helping!" Mark said, sarcastically.

"Today I will be having some one on one time with each of you. While I am having one on one time, the rest of you can just, get drunk, try on other peoples clothes, go in the confessional and talk shit about everyone, or start a big fight and boost ratings!" Tila said.

"Sweet!" Maureen and Violent guy said.

"I would first like to see……Joanne."

Tila and Joanne went outside and sat on the edge of the pool.

"So, Joanne, Tell me about yourself."

"Well, I'm a Lawyer, I work 24/7 and I rarely get time off. I take my job seriously…."

Tila: _What do I think about Joanne? Wow! She has no life. Wait! She does!……her job. But she is really nice and she seems like someone who would be cool to hang around. I really wished she had talked about other things, besides her boring ass job. I'm the Queen of Myspace, a singer, and a model. Hell, I was even in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. I don't think a Lawyer and a multitalented person like me would work out. She wouldnt be able to catch up with me._

While Joanne talked about her job, Tila began biting her nails and looking around the pool. Finally she had enough and decided to stop Joanne.

"What's your favorite color?" Tila asked.

"Um…green." Joanne answered. She did not expect that question to come up.

"What kind of music do you listen to?"

"R&B, Pop, and classical. You?"

"Everything."

"Everything? Even country music?"

"Only on when I dress up like a cowgirl." Tila said with a wink.

"When do you dress up like a cowgirl?"

"If you make it to the top two…..you'll find out."

A/N: And that my friends, was part 1!


	5. Episode 2: Part 2

A/N: So I watched the season finale of A Shot at Love last night and all I can say is WOW! Then this morning when I went on myspace, I saw Tila's display and once again I said "Wow!" because Tila has lost her mind. So with Tila losing her mind, this story is going to be a bit longer than I had planned for it to be :D

Episode 2: Part 2

While Tila was having her one on one time with Joanne. The rest of the contestants were spread out around the house. Roger, Benny, and Violent guy were in the kitchen, Maureen and Mark were in the basement of the house, and Drunk Girl was…at the bar. Down in the basement, Maureen turned on the light and saw a stripper pole.

"Have you ever been to a strip club?" Asked Maureen.

"Yeah!" Answered Mark

Maureen looked at him for a moment.

"Ok, no, I havent…."

Joanne was done with one on one time and went to the basement to get Mark, because it was his turn next. When she got to the basement, she saw Maureen…attempting to be a stripper.

"Mark, Tila wants to talk to you by the pool." Joanne said.

"Saved!" The filmmaker said

Mark turned around and went up the steps, leaving Joanne and Maureen alone. Meanwhile in the kitchen Benny was eating a bowel of Ramen noodles when Violent guy decided to sit next to him.

"Hey, Penny."

"It's Benny, man, BENNY WITH A B!"

"I like my boys with a little fire."

Roger, who was seated across from the two men, took his eyes off the magazine he was reading and looked at Violent guy.

"Man, I'm not interested in you, I'm here for Tila."

"That's what they all say. I know what you're here for."

"What else could I be here for?"

"Me."

"If I knew that you were going to be here….I wouldn't be here." Benny said.

"Dude, are you gay?" Roger asked.

"No, I'm sometimes Bi."

"Sometimes?"

"Yeah, that's what I said, bitch!" Violent guy snapped.

"I'm not Chris Crocker. don't be call me a _Bitch_." Roger said with a laugh.

Violent guy ignored Roger and put his arm around Benny's waist. Benny jumped.

"Get your hands off of me!"

"_I want you! I want you so bad, it's driving me mad!"_

Roger: _At this point I realized Violent guy had lost it. When he started singing to Benny, I said "Holy John Lennon! This guy needs help!" before I knew it, Violent guy was chasing Benny around the house. I felt sorry for the Yuppie Scum so I helped him._

Benny ran up the stairs. Once he got to the top step, violent guy tried follow him, but Roger pulled him back.

"DUDE! LEAVE BENNY ALONE!" Roger screamed.

"FUCK YOU!"

Violent guy pushed Roger down the stairs. The rocker hit the ground head first. Drunk girl came stumbling in and saw Roger knocked out on the floor.

"Get off the floor! I need to get my special bottle of Makers Mark!"

She noticed there was blood spilling out the side of Roger's head.

"HE'S DEAD!"

A/N: hmmm is Roger really dead? Are you really going to believe a drunk person? Next chapter will be up tonight! Review please!


	6. Episode 2: Part 3

Episode 2: Part 3

Drunk Girl began to run wherever her drunk mind could take her. When she stopped she realized she was running down to the basement.

Drunk Girl: _When I uh….got down to the last level of the house….um I saw two chicks making out and one of them was topless. All I could say was "Whoa! I….didn't know there was a stripper pole." They started freaking the fuck out and the white chick put her top on and I got pissed._

Drunk girl glared at Maureen, but it wasn't your typical glare, it was a drunk glare.

"Why the fuck are you putting your shirt on? You got nice tits!" Drunk girl yelled.

"Thank you! Everyone says they are nice."

"Take off your top and lets do titty shots!"

"No, get out of here!" Maureen said, throwing a pillow at drunk girl.

Joanne:_ Drunk girl walked in on me and Maureen making out and I just froze, I didn't know what was going to happen. Then out of nowhere she gets pissed because Maureen put her shirt back on….I'm still confused._

Mark was done with his one on one with Tila, it went fairly well, they had a few things in common and he even got a kiss. He got to the stairs and saw Roger passed out and Benny standing over him with the phone to his ear. He hung the phone up and checked Roger's pulse.

"What happened?"

"That violent guy pushed Roger down the stairs."

"Where is he?"

"They kicked him out."

Just then they heard rocks being thrown at the house.

"PENNY!…..PENNY!"

It was Violent Guy.

Tila: _I got tiered of standing by the pool and decided to come inside. I came inside and the paramedics were rolling Roger out the door on a stretcher and the police were fighting with Violent guy. I asked Mark where Joanne and Maureen were and he told me to check the basement and I did and when I got there...I wasnt happy with what I found._

Tila tip toed downstairs and heard moaning. She didn't walk all the way into the room, but she saw enough to go back upstairs. When she got there. She was told Violent Guy was sent home and Roger was in the hospital.

Tila: _I feel really bad for Roger. He seems like a sweet guy. I called the hospital to see if he was ok and they said he would be released the next morning._

Later that night it was time for elimination, Tila didn't have to think twice about who was going to go home. She also decided to bring two new people and an old contestant back.

A/N: The next chapter will be really short. Please review!! :D


	7. Episode 2: Part 4

A/N: I am dedicating this chapter to my dear friend Lil E. She is my muse and sometimes the reason I update some of my old stories. So when you review make sure you thank my friend Lil E for lighting the fire under my ass and getting these stories posted lol!

Episode 2: Part 4

Tila: _It's time for the first elimination and I don't even have to think twice about who is going home. I am really looking for love this time and I'm not going to play games. They need to quit playing games with my heart._

Mark: _I don't think I'm going home tonight, because Tila and I have this really cool connection and I think she's really into me._

Maureen: _Do I think I'm going home? Fuck no! Tila and I didn't even get a chance to have alone time. Plus, have you seen my body? Why would Tila send this home?_

Drunk Girl: _I don't want to go home, because if I go home, then I will have to pay for booze! I know one thing, if I do have to go home, I'll take every bottle and can I can find in this mansion_

Joanne: _I don't know if I'm going home or not. I hope Tila doesn't find out about what happened between me and Maureen. I feel guilty about that._

Benny: _now, that Violent guy is gone, I know that my chances of winning Tila are safe. I swear if she eliminates me I'll evict her home._

Roger: _mumbles in hospital bed_

Everyone was sitting in the elimination room when Tila entered wearing a sparkly dress.

"I'm just going to get straight to the point. No bullshit." Tila started. "Maureen….Joanne give me my keys and get the fuck out of my house!"

The contestants let out gasps.

"What!?" Maureen screamed.

"I saw you and Joanne making out in the basement."

"Shit…" Joanne said, putting her head down.

"That wasn't me! That was um….Britany Spears."

"Maureen leave." Tila demanded.

Joanne decided to just go ahead and hand Tila the key. The lawyer then hugged Tila and said "Goodbye"

Joanne: _I didn't think I'd be going home this early. I cant believe I hurt tila like that. _

Back in the house, security circled Maureen.

"I'm not leaving! I deserve another chance!"

"Security, please take her away."

The two large men took The Diva by the arms and threw her out.

"TILA! TILA! YOU JUST LOST OUT ON SOMETHING GOOD! MY SHOT AT LOVE ISN'T OVER! I'VE HAD PLENTY OF SHOTS! SCREW YOU!" Maureen yelled from outside the door.

"Since there were so many eliminations today….I've decided to bring in some more people."

Just then, Chris Crocker, a slutty looking girl and Mimi walked through the doors.

"THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES! THE QUEEN OF GHETTO IS BACK UP IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER!"

Mark: _When I saw Chris walk in the door, I was like "oh no!"_

Benny: _Why the fuck is Chris back? What good is he going to do for Tila? He's gay! _

Drunk girl: _that scary girly man is back……I hope he brought more Whiskey._

Announcer: _Next time on A Shot At Love…_

"GET READY FOR THE 3RD ANNUAL BI- ATHLON!"

Benny: _When Roger said he was going to participate, I thought he was joking, but I soon found out her was really going to run in a full body cast._

Chris Crocker: _THE ONLY REASON I'M HERE IS SO I CAN WIN AND GET ENOUGH MONEY TO START MY OWN TALK SHOW LIKE OPRAH! FUCK TILA! _

Mimi: _I'm falling in love with someone in the house…..and it's not Tila, sadly._

Drunk Girl: _The new girl is trying to take all the booze! I swear I will murder her! Hey, are you drinking that beer?_

Announcer: _Will Tila find love in this group of circus clowns? Will the new kids get along with the other housemates? Find out next time on A Shot At Love!_

A/N: review? Please? I know you wanna lol!


	8. Episode 3: Part 1

Disclaimer: the only thing I own is the idea.

Episode 3: Part 1

3 days later

Chris Crocker: _Last night, I was trying to get some fucking sleep and all these bitches were running around partying and blasting their loud music. Chris Crocker needs beauty sleep, Chris Crocker has to look good. So, this morning I decided to have a little payback._

Chris woke and found everyone spread out around the house. He went to the kitchen and grabbed a pan and a wooden spoon, then began banging them together.

" I DIDN'T GET NO SLEEP CAUSE OF YALL! YALL AINT GONNA GET NO SLEEP CAUSE OF ME!" He yelled running through the house.

He stood above Mimi and Roger who were sleeping in the tub.

"GET THE FUCK UP! GET THE FUCK UP!"

Mimi: _So, Roger and I were sleep in the tub, because since Roger is in a body cast, he tipped over in the tub and couldn't get out and Chris Crocker just burst through the doors and started banging pans and spoons together_.

"What the fuck?" Mimi said, rubbing her eyes.

Roger mumbled something, but no one could figure it out.

Drunk Girl: _That fucking girly man woke everyone up with his loud drums! I told him he needs to go play in a rock band with all that fucking noise. When people wake me up, I get bitter, because my buzz gets killed. I haven't been sober since I was 9! _

Tila: _I was checking my 700 myspace messages when I heard this loud sound coming from downstairs. I went to check and it was….Chris…. I knew what I had to do next._

"YOU BITCH ASSES! I'LL SET THIS MOTHERFUCKER ON FIRE! TIA YOU CAN KEEP KICKING ME OUT!" Chris said, after Tila decided to kick him out again.

Slut: _I was kind of upset, because I could see myself having sex with him. He was really hot._

Benny: _After Chris was kicked out again, the message in the bottle told use to meet Tila outside. _

Mark: _I had no clue what was going on, but what I do I know is, when we all went outside_….

Drunk Girl: _The girl with the nice tits is back!!_

Roger: _Mumbles with excitement_

"Hey!" Everyone said, greeting Maureen.

Tila: _After I eliminated Maureen, I felt bad, because I really like her. She's super hot and plus we would look hot modeling together. _

Maureen: _I was happy to be back. I knew Tila couldn't function without me._

Tila took a spot next to Maureen. She was wearing short shorts and a Ref shirt,

"Mo, welcome back."

Mark: _Tila goes into hug Maureen and Maureen grabs Tila's face and kisses her._

Benny: _That pissed me off…..I want to kill Maureen….where's a gun? You don't have one? Ok…I'm sorry, I just don't like Maureen._

Slut: _Looks like I'm going to be competing for the slut of the house…_

Mimi: _Did Maureen have to kiss Tila like that? It seriously looked like something in a porno._

Benny: _Tila is MINE! _

"Welcome to the 3rd annual Bi-athlon!"

The contestants clapped. The camera turned to Roger who magically didn't have his body cast on. I guess this show brings diseases AND miracles.

"There are 4 girls and 3 boys. We want to be even so the girls will have to compete in a mini competition." Said Tila. "Ladies, you will have to eat a dead mans fingers and toes."

Mimi: _When they brought out 4 dinner trays filled with HUMAN toes and fingers. I almost puked. _

Slut: _I didn't want to a competition to see who can eat toes and fingers the fastest! I wanted to do a competition on who could eat Tila the best! _

Drunk girl: _I wanted the competition to be a drinking contest_.

Maureen: _There is no fucking way I'm eating that shit! I don't even eat animals._

A/N: uh oh! What's going to happen? Is Tila really worth eating human toes and fingers for? Review please?


	9. Episode 3: Part 2

Episode 3: Part 2

"Tila, I'm sorry, but I cant eat this." Slut said, licking her lips.

Tila stared at Slut for a moment and blinked.

"What?"

"I cant eat human!"

"Don't you love me?"

Slut: _I didn't know what to say! I just met her 3 days ago and had sex with her last night. OOPS! Uh…you didn't hear that._

"I do, but this is just to wrong."

Tila sighed and then pulled a small gun out of the back pocket of her shorts. Everyone gasped and ran for cover.

"Then I guess you're going to have to shoot your foot."

"Why?" Slut asked.

"If you're not going to eat the fingers and toes, you're going to have to prove your love another way." Tila said, smiling.

Roger: _Tila is starting to scare me. Making the girls eat human fingers and having that slut shoot herself in the foot is too extreme_.

Mark: _When Tila pulled the gun out, I thought she was going to shoot one of us…I accidentally pissed on myself a little…_

Benny, who was hiding behind a rock looked over at Mark.

"Mark?" Benny whispered. "Did you piss on yourself?"

"Shut up!" Mark said quickly, pulling his shirt over the front of his pants.

Slut grabbed the gun and pointed it towards her foot. BAM!

"HOLY FUCKIN SHIT! I CANT BREATH! EVERYTHING IS GOING BLACK."

Tila: _when Slut shot her foot….it really turned me on._

"Ewww! Blood is everywhere!" Maureen whined.

Mimi away from the scene.

Mimi: _The whole time I was standing there, I kept saying to myself "What the hell have I gotten myself into?" _

"All right ladies, start eating!" Tila said laughing.

Maureen and Mimi looked at each other. They then looked over at Drunk Girl who was chugging down a bottle of gin.

"Uh, can I have some of that before I eat this shit?" Maureen asked.

"Me too." Said Mimi.

Drunk girl rolled her eyes and threw the bottle to Maureen. Maureen drank half and Mimi drank the rest.

"What the fuck?" Drunk girl asked after Mimi handed her the bottle.

"Don't worry, I got wine coolers in my suitcase." Mimi said, with a wink.

"WHOOT!" Drunk Girl said, raising the roof.

Tila shot the gun and the girls began to eat. Mimi threw up twice and Drunk girl passed out with a pinky in her mouth. Shockingly, Maureen "Finished" first.

Maureen: _While Tila was comforting Mimi and Drunk Girl, I threw the toes and fingers to Roger and he put them in his pocket…..damn I'm good!_

"GO MAUREEN!" Tila said, clapping her hands.

Mimi, Slut, and Drunk girl lay flat on their backs with tired looks on their faces. The men looked horrified.

Mark: _I don't know what the fuck I just watched._

Roger: _I was freaking out, because I had someone's toes and fingers in my damn pocket. The whole time Tila had this sick look on her face and I was like "I don't think I want to be here anymore."_

Benny:_…..I think I need therapy._

Slut: _OMG! I CANT FEEL MY FOOT!_

Mimi: _I think I threw up everything I've eaten my entire life._

Drunk Girl: _Do you have boxed wine?_

Benny raised his hand.

"Um, Tila, I don't think any of us can do the bi-athlon."

"I can see that…" Tila said looking around. She observed the people who were fighting for her love. "Maureen, since you were the only one who ate the fingers, you can go on the first date with me."

Maureen smiled. She was happy to finally get date with Tila, because she wanted to get to know the real Tila and not Tila Tequila.

"Tila?"

"Yes, Mimi."

"Who did those fingers and toes belong to?"

"Bobby, Dominico, Ashley, and Jeremy. They mysteriously died last year, I had their fingers and stuff cut off for this season."

Everyone's eyes nearly popped out of their heads. They were speechless and scared.

A/N: as you can tell the mood of this story is getting a bit dark. I wont be updating till Monday, because I want to work hard on the next few chapters. Review please!!


	10. Episode 3: Part 3

Episode 3: Part 3

While Maureen and Tila were on their date, the other contestants sat in the kitchen and talked, because that's what you see on most reality shows. (the kitchen is like another confessional). Slut sat on the counter with her foot up, Benny sat in a chair next to Roger and Mimi who was sitting in Rogers lap, drunk Girl was sitting across from Benny, drinking…..well you know what and Mark was standing near the refrigerator.

"I feel very unsafe in this house." Mimi said.

"Yeah, me too." Benny said "What should we do?"

"I say we get the fuck out of here." Roger Suggested.

"The producers wouldn't let us do that." Mark said.

"I think I pissed in my pants."

Everyone stared at Drunk Girl.

Slut: _I have never met, fucked, sucked, licked, or made out with anyone like Drunk Girl. Her fucking blood alcohol level is higher than her fucking IQ. _

Roger: _If this were on Survivor….I'd vote her off the island._

"Why wouldn't the producers let us?"

"Because they wouldn't have a job and MTV wouldn't have much to show. We've only been here for a week. that's like 3 or 4 episodes." Mark explained.

"Why don't we just do stupid shit to make us eliminate ourselves?"

"Benny, you are a genius." Said Slut.

Outside, in a tent. Maureen and Tila sat on a blanket and made out.

"You're a good kisser." Said Tila.

"You are too."

"So, what you are looking for in a relationship?"

"Well, I'm looking for someone who-

"Enough about you, let me tell you what I want." Tila said interrupting. "I want someone who will instantly fall in love with me. I want to be married by the end of the year and and have kids by next year."

"I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!" Maureen said, slamming the back door.

The contestants turned around to face the Diva.

"She has already mapped out her life plan!"

Maureen: _My one on one with Tila was like this really weird dream I had. I started out having a threesome with Brad Pitt and Madonna and somehow it ended with me having a threesome with a creepy homeless guy that lives on my street and Joan Rivers! _

"What happened?" Asked Mimi.

"She was talking about marriage and kids by next year and becoming a famous actress and winning awards and traveling….while I watch the kids."

Slut: _Me and marriage don't mix. I just came here to have sex with Tila._

Roger: _I'm not ready for kids and I'm not ready for marriage. I came here to kick start my music career._

Mark: _Marriage and kids is cool, but not right now and….not with her._

Mimi: _I'm not even sure about my sexuality. Why would I marry her and have kids?_

"Ok, so I think we all pretty much agree that we have to find ways to get kicked out." Slut said.

"Any ideas?" Benny asked.

Announcer: _Next week on A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila. The contestants do whatever they can do to get themselves eliminated. Who will fail and a who will succeed? Will Tila finally find love? Will drunk Girl ever end up sober? Does Mimi want a man or a Women? Will Benny stop evicting people? You will find out the answers to some of these questions next week._

A/N: Reviews make my day. They are part of my inspiration lol!


	11. Episode 4: Part 1

Episode 4: Part 1

Tila: _Today is the day the contestants have to prove their love for me. They will ether have to get a tattoo of me that covers their back or walk a mile on broken glass. _

Roger: _So, the message in the bottle said that we needed to be prepared for pain and beauty. I have a feeling someone's going to die before the day is over….she might have us bungee jump without a cord._

Maureen: _We're all going to die in this house and I'm fucking scared. I'm Maureen Johnson! I need to live!_

Benny: _I feel like I'm in that movie where this group of people go to this party and they end up getting killed by ghost and only two people survive….I think it's called House on Haunted Hill….only this would be House on Crazy Tila Island._

Mark: _Benny thinks our situation is like House on Haunted Hill, but I have a feeling this show is going to turn into a bad remake of Clue. _

The contestants met Tila at a nearby Park. She was wearing a pair of tight jeans and a purple top….that her boobs nearly popped out of…

"Are you bitches ready to party?"

"…Yeah!" They all said, sounding scared.

"Today's challenge will give you 2 choices to pick from." Tila said. "Right behind me is a track covered in broken glass. You can either walk a mile on this glass OR go to the tattoo shop across the street and have a picture of me tattooed on your back and it has to cover the whole back." She explained.

They all looked at each other in fear.

Roger: _I couldn't take the torture anymore. She is not worth getting my feet cut up or getting a tattoo of her that covers my whole back._

Maureen: _all I can say is….fuck that shit, Tila!_

Benny: _I fell out of love with Tila. I refused to do any of that stuff. I did what I had to do. We all decided to find ways to get kicked out and so, I found my exit ticket, dammit!_

Benny took a deep breath and balled his fist up, he looked at Roger who was standing next to him and decided to give the rocker a warning.

"Please don't take this personal, Roger." Benny whispered.

Benny punched Roger in the face. Everyone looked at Benny, then looked at Roger who was on the laid out in the grass. Mark saw Roger give Benny the thumbs up and decided to go along with the plan.

"Hey! don't you hit him!" Mark said, jumping onto Benny.

"FIGHT! FIGHT!" Drunk Girl said. "GIVE HIM THE CHAIR!"

Tila: _Out of nowhere, Benny hits Roger and then he and Mark started fighting and before you know it, the three of them were fighting each other. It really turned me on and got me hot and heavy. But I knew I had to send Benny packing._

"YES!" Benny said, as he was getting into the van to go to the airport.

"Who would like to go first?" Tila asked, after everyone was done waving goodbye to Benny.

No one said a word, because they were scared to. Roger was the next one to find away to get eliminated. He didn't want to start another fight, so he decided to do something else.

"Tila you are so fake." The Rocker blurted out.

"Excuse me?"

"Your music sucks, you cant act, and…I bet your arent even bi!"

Tila ran away crying.

"Nice, Roger." Maureen said, laughing.

"She's going to hate you now." Mimi said.

"Roger, that was kinda lame." Marks said.

"I know, but I had to say something…."

Tila crying dramatically: _Roger is such a fucking asshole! How fucking dare he say that to me! I'M TILA TEQUILA! I'M THE QUEEN OF MYSPACE! HE'S THE ONE WHO'S FAKE. _

A/N: I want to take the time to thank these people for reviewing. If I forget anyone then I am so sorry.

GorgeousSmile

Red-LipStick x3

T.K. Boheme

Reviewer

Overthemoon2139

Stephanie

stephy379

RentAngel12

cinder94

madAgirly37

xxmaybexemoxx

I'll Cover Angel and Collin...

Kawaii-babi

Amina Bella

an-angel-indeed

Maureen Elphaba Thropp


	12. Episode 4: Part 2

A/N: This chapter was pretty fun, writing! please read and review my two newest pieces, Honest Living and The lottery Mistake and I will also like to let you know that I am planning another story that I think you all are going to enjoy :D

Episode 4: Part 2

Tila came back to the park and wiped her eyes. Everyone looked at Roger and thought that he was going to be in big trouble.

"Roger, since I like people who treat me like shit and don't care about me, you will not be eliminated for your hurtful words." Tila explained.

"Dammit.." Roger mumbled.

"Mark, I did some thinking and…..I don't know why you are here! You are so not my type, dude! You're too shy and you're a nerd…..please, go home."

"What! But it's not even elimination time!" Mark said.

The filmmaker was surprised at the early elimination.

"Mark, get your ass out of here and save yourself. This is a blessing and you better take fucking advantage of it." Mimi said grabbing his ear and whispering in it.

"Ouch! Ok! Bye, everyone." Mark said walking away.

Mark: _I'm still confused on why Tila decided to eliminate me, right then and there, that morning. _

Roger: _I don't understand! I said some mean shit to Tila and Mark goes home. I don't want to be here! I'm standing there thinking about who is still left in the competition and I realize that……that slutty girl isn't around._

Maureen: _I was looking around to see where Slut was, because she got in the van with us and came to the park, but she wasn't there._

Drunk Girl: _I just came here to be on TV, yo! WHOOT! PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR BETCH!……ouch! I fell out of my chair._

Slut: _I hopped the fuck out of there! I saw this hot mom pushing a stroller and walking and dog and I said "MILF ALERT!" and went home with her! fuck Tila! I need a real woman!_

Mimi: _Now there are 4 of us, because Benny started a fight, Mark randomly goes home, and Slut disappears. I'm praying that I some how get to go home._

"Ok, Maureen and Mimi, you two have to pick what you are going to do."

Maureen and Mimi think for a moment. Neither one of them want to get a tattoo of Tila or walk a mile on glass. If they tell her this, Tila might make them shoot their feet or cut a body part off. Maureen decided to do what she did the first time she got eliminated. The diva grabbed Mimi's face and began to French kiss her.

Mimi: _I kissed a girl…..and I liked it! But I still have feelings for Roger._

Maureen: _Mimi has really soft lips. They are softer than Tila's. _

"Mimi, what the fuck!" Tila yelled. "I thought you loved me!"

"I never said I loved you…" Mimi said, looking at Tila strangely.

"What the fuck!" Tila stabbed her heel deep into the grass. "Get out!"

"Maureen kissed me first!"

"Get out!"

Before she went to the van, Mimi handed Roger a piece of paper.

"Call me." She said with a wink and then proceeded to leave.

Maureen: _So now there are 3 of us and I'm like "What the fuck!" we just cut this show 4 weeks short. As soon as I get home, I'm going to delete Tila off my friends list!_

Drunk Girl: _If I win, do I get a special alcoholic prize?_

Tila: _Benny was boring, Mark was lame, slut…vanished, and Mimi was too nice. I need someone who will treat me like shit and lower my self esteem!_

Announcer: _So….I guess next week is the second to last episode. If things go the way they went this episode, I'm pretty sure the next episode will be the last. _

A/N: the announcer said it! The next chapter is the last episode. Who do you think will win? Will they keep the key or run away? You'll find out in about a couple of days…..or I might wait a month…lol! Jk! Review please :D


	13. Episode 5: Part 1

A/N: if you haven't already, read and review the story Survivor by I'll Cover Angel and Collins It is awesome! You know what? Exit out of this story, go read that one, and then come back to this one. Lol! Here is the final episode lol! BUT this isn't the final chapter :D

Episode 5: Part 1

Tila: _There are only 3 people left and I don't know who to choose. If I could, I would make them all my bitches! Maureen would be my sex bitch, Roger would be my song bitch, and Dunk Girl would be my….Drunk bitch._

Roger: _I've said it before and I'm going to say it again…..I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE! THIS IS HELL! _

Maureen: _Last night while we were all sleep, I woke up and I saw Tila sitting in a chair with her lap top in her lap, looking at us sleep… what the fuck! I mean seriously! that's creepy. She wasn't giving us a "oh they are so beautiful" look. She was giving us a "they are mine and no one will escape" look._

Drunk Girl_: I woke up and realized……I'm not on Rock of Love. I'm on some stupid MTV show. This whole time I just thought Bret Michaels got a sex change and decided to be bisexual._

Maureen: _There are so many things I could be doing right now. Dammit, I could be watching The L Word right now! I want to see who Shane has slept with! I want to know if Bette and Tina are back together! I miss watching Jenny's crazy ass!_

Roger: _I wrote a song that's dedicated to Tila. It's called Crazy Bitch and no, it's not like Buck Cherry's song. This song is about how dangerous it is to be near Tila and how she should put in a dungeon._

Maureen: _I'm missing Law and Order too! Me! Maureen Johnson! Party girl and protester of the century, would rather sit at home all week and watch TV than fight for Tila Tequila's love. _

Roger: _A year ago, I would drool as soon as Tila would come on the screen. Now, I cringe when she walks past me in the hallway._

Drunk Girl: _I once had a dream that I was on Project Runway and I made a dress out of liquor bottles…..that was a hot dress._

Tila came downstairs where everyone was waiting on her.

"Hey sexy bitches."

"Hi…"

"Today's final challenge will be a trivia game. So don't worry, it wont be anything dangerous." Tila said laughing.

Maureen and Roger gave each other a high five.

"Since I didn't get to meet your families. I had my producers kidnap your mothers and bring them here to play the game."

"You did what?" Maureen asked, shocked.

"Where's my mommy!" Roger said, running around, the house.

Roger made it back to where he was.

"Relax, they are safe in the basement." Tila said. "Come on out ladies.

Diane: _Hi, I'm Diane and I'm Rogers mom._

Nancy: _Hello, I'm Nancy and I'm Maureen's mom._

Drunk Lady: _I'm so happy to see my son! Oh wait daughter! I don't have a son. _

Diane: _Tila kidnapped us…._

Nancy: _I was watching Rachael Ray and here comes these men wearing MTV shirts, dragging me to a van._

Drunk Lady:_ I was…..um….at a bar….no! a titty bar and these guys wearing VH1 shirts took me!_

"Your mothers have told me that you tell them everything. So, today's trivia game will include questions about your personal lives. Your mom will answer the question and if your answer matches you and your mom will get points." Tila explained.

Roger: _The game sounded like a breeze….yeah right_

Drunk girl: _I tell my mom EVERYTHING! that's because I live with her…..WHOOT!!_

In the backyard, there were bleachers set up. The mothers sat in the second row and the other contestants sat on in the first row.

"Are you sexy bitches ready?" Tila asked.

"I wish she would stop calling us sexy bitches." Roger mumbled to Maureen.

Maureen laughed.

"Ok, first question. How many sexual partners has your son or daughter had?"

"Nancy, please answer."

Nancy began to write on the white board. "That's easy." she said with a smile. "3."

Roger began to laugh. Maureen hit him with her board before answering.

"3." Maureen said.

"What!" Roger said with dismay.

"I'm not a whore. I just like to make out a lot."

"Ok, next! Diane, how many sexual partners has Roger had?"

"15."

"Mom, I used to be in band…….it's 30."

"Uh oh! Zero points for team Davis!" Tila said with an evil laugh.

Everyone stared at her for a moment.

"Ok, Drunk lady, your turn."

"910!"

"YES! GO MAMA!"

The mother and daughter shared a hug.

Tila: _I couldn't believe drunk girl had slept with so many people! I love a girl with experience._

Maureen: _And people say I'm a slut? Psh!_

Roger: _That is a lot of love_!

"Next question!" Tila said, giving her famous evil grin. "How many male private parts has your child touched with their mouth?"

Roger: _What the hell did she just say?_

Maureen: _The way Tila worded that question was…..well I cant say it on TV, because it would offend people and I would get hate mail. But the way she worded the question was stupid._

It was Roger's Mom's turn to answer.

"That's easy…..zero."

"She's right." Roger said holding up the board that read the number zero

"Maureen, your turn."

By now, Maureen had her head hiding her face. "I'm not here."

"Yes, you are." Tila said.

"No…"

"Mrs. Johnson, please answer the question before I eliminate your daughter."

"Don't answer, Mom!"

"2?"

"Great, now I am stuck here!" Maureen said, frustrated.

Maureen slammed the board on the desk and it read 37.

"No fucking way!" Roger said trying not to laugh.

"Maureen Johnson!" Nancy screamed with disappointment.

"It happened in High School and Collage….."

"I cant believe it! My daughter has sucked 37 men off!"

"In a row?" Drunk girl and Drunk lady asked.

Nancy stood up and headed for the door.

"Wait, you have to finish the game!" Tila said.

"I've had enough!"

Nancy then walked out of the door, slamming it hard.

Maureen: _My mom isn't going to talk to me until Christmas….thanks to Tila asking dumbass questions._

A/N: Part 2 is coming soon. I'm still brainstorming my next crackfic lol! So if you have any ideas, let me know and if I do use your Idea, you will get credit. Review!!


	14. Episode 5: Part 2

A/N: wow! Its been a while. I've been so focused on Honest Living and plus I've been busy with other things. Here is the last chapter! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own RENT or the song I Love You by Tila Tequila.

Episode 5: Part 2

"Ok, Tila, I cant do this anymore." Roger said, standing up. "This show sucks."

Roger took his mom's hand and they ran out of the house. Tila, Maureen, Nancy, Drunk Girl, and Drunk Lady, sat in their seats speechless.

Maureen: _I was surprised at how fast Roger left._

Roger: _I got sick of playing Mr. Nice guy. I'm sure I've proved myself enough to be a great musician. that's all I came here for._

Drunk Girl: _Now, it's just me and the girl with nice tits…._

Tila: _I really don't care that Roger is gone, because now, I'm a lesbian._

Tila threw her question cards in the air.

"GAY BOYS IN SHORT GLITTER SHORTS!" She called.

Four muscular men entered the room.

"Take the mothers away."

They walked towards the moms and picked them up, running out of the room.

"Mom, we'll talk later!" Maureen yelled

"I'm just going to go ahead and tell you who the winner is." Tila said, before preparing for fake tears. "Maureen, you are sexy, hot, and wild."

Maureen smiled.

"Drunk Girl. You are sexy, hot and wild."

Maureen's smiled dropped. "That's what you just told me."

"The writers are giving up on this show." Tila explained.

"Viewers are too." Maureen mumbled.

"Drunk girl….you are a great friend and you make me feel so special about myself, but I'm sorry……your shot at love has ended."

Dramatic violin music began to play as Drunk Girl left the house.

Drunk Girl: _I'm crying because I don't get to drink all the Grey Goose I want! I have to spend all my friends and families money on it, now. _

Tila: _She was too perfect. So, I had to let her go._

"Maureen, you have a shot at love……are you interested."

"…..I'm sorry, but no…"

The room got dark and red lights and smoke appeared. Tila's eyes became big and yellow (like Michael Jackson in the Thriller video) music began to play and Tila walked around Maureen, in a circle.

_You Know  
I Just Want To Let You Know  
That I Never Felt This Way About Anybody Else  
I..I..I Think I Love You  
So Dont Think Im Crazy When I Tell You This  
But If You Ever Hurt Me  
I'll Fuckin Kill You _

Back up dancers, wearing booty shorts and coconut bras jump off the stairs.

_You Better go down When You Get Wit Me  
You Better Realize I Am Wat You Need  
You Better Get Here Before I Count To 3  
You Better Do Right I'll Fuck You Up _

Tila's back up dancers take Maureen down to the basement and tie her up to a wall. The wall begins to spin.

_You Never Thought  
That A Bitch Like Me  
Would Fuck You Up  
If You Can Not Please  
So You Better Bow Down  
And Get On your Knees  
Pore Tha Diamonds Out  
Gimme What I Need _

Tila unties Maureen and throws her on the floor.

"Ouch!" Maureen screams.

_Hold Up  
Do U See Me Laughin  
You Think That Its A Joke  
Imma Start Harassing  
All U Lil Hoes That Be Tring To Pass Me  
U Betta Tell Them Ima Kick Their Asses _

_Wat Who Are U Talkin To  
U Betta Hang Up Or  
I'm through with U  
And Who Tha Fuck Is This Bitch On Ur Page  
Wit Big Ass Tits Up On Ur Top 8 _

The back up dancers pull a blonde out of the closet, tied up with rope and tape over her mouth.

"That's my cousin!" Maureen yelled.

_Cuz Im Tha Crazy Bitch Thats Running The Game  
Cuz Im The Crazy Bitch Thats Callin Ur Name  
Cuz Im The Crazy Bitch I Aint Got No Shame  
I Will Fuck U Up _

_You Better go down When You Get Wit Me  
You Better Realize I Am Wat You Need  
You Better Get Here Before I Count To 3  
You Better Do Right I'll Fuck You Up_The back up dancer drag Maureen outside.

_How Come Everytime U Go Do It Again_

Y U Always Drunk When U Wit Ur Friends  
Shut The Fuck Up And Get In My Beinz  
Do Wat I Say  
I Dont Give A Damn

Tila throws Maureen into the car and begins to drive off. She is going 80 in a 55 mile zone.

You Betta Obey If U Want My Nookie  
You Betta Stop Talkin To All Them Hoochies  
You Betta Wise Up And Listen To Me  
I Will Fuck U Up

"Slow down! I'm gonna throw up!"

_Hold Up  
You Think Im Trippin Now  
You Askin All Ur Friends  
While U Write It Down  
You Wonderin Y Ur Tires Blown  
And Y Ur Cell Phone Aint Work No More  
Cuz Im Tha Crazy Bitch  
Thats Running The Game  
Cuz Im The Crazy Bitch  
Thats Callin Ur Name  
Cuz Im The Crazy Bitch  
I Aint Got No Shame  
I Will Fuck U Up _

_You Better go Down When You Get Wit Me  
You Better Realize I Am Wat You Need  
You Better Get Here Before I Count To 3  
You Better Do Right  
I'll Fuck You Up_Tila crashes into a wall, causing both of them to fly out of it. Tila, who is some how isn't injured crawls over to Maureen, who is laying flat on her back and has a broken leg and neck.

_I Love You  
I Love You  
I Love You  
I Love You  
I Love You _  
_I Love You_

Uhh Yea Give Me Wat I Need

I Love You  
I Love You  
I Love You  
I Love You  
I Love You  
I Love You

Uhh Yea Give Me Wat I Need

"I'm taking your crazy ass to court."

_You Better go Down When You Get Wit Me  
You Better Realize I Am Wat You Need  
You Better Get Here Before I Count To 3  
You Better Do Right  
I'll Fuck You Up _

Tila continues to sing as she walks away from the wreck.

Announcer: _um…..wow….I really don't know what to say. Just check out the reunion….please. It will be hosted buy unknown comedian Sex E on Thursday, July 30__th__ at 10PM!_

A/N: the announcer said it! July 30th is when I will be posting the reunion. I'm going to be making that a separate story. So look out for it! It will be around 4 to 6 parts.


	15. Note

Hey, guys! Sadly, I've decided to not write A Shot at Love 3: Reunion, because I'm so busy writing new things and plus, school is going to be starting in 2 weeks and I wont have time to write a lot. BUT if anyone would like to, you can write the reunion. It's cool with me. if no one wants to write it, that is also cool lol. :D

VIVA LA VIE BOHEME!!


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